Sex shops, adult toy stores, dildo factories—whatever you want to call them—are property owning, tax paying, product pushing businesses that sell products to consenting patrons that involve sex, masturbation, lubricant, fetish wear, striking implements…and the occasional bachelorette party favor.
It’s a great place to learn about new products, be inspired to try new sexual activities, and even spice up your sex life with a pretty new toy.
Unfortunately it is also a place for the immature inclined to laugh, giggle, huff in disgust and make incredibly offensive comments about the people working and the products.
I would like to make the cavede that not everyone is going to feel the way I do about this subject even though they absolutely happen every single day. There is this underlining opinion about people that working in adult retail should deal with the comments, come-ons, and insensitive manner of decorum that sometimes takes place.
Here is my list of what not to do while in an adult toy store.
1. If you don’t know what something is, ask. They’d rather you walk out with some information than you screaming across the sales floor, “Oh my gosh! What is that! Who would use that!”
2. You have no idea who is around you, what they are interested in, and how they are going to react. So when you make disgusted comments like, “EW that’s gross. Who would use that? Who would watch that? Who would be into that?” You might be offending someone around you, and you sound like a horrible person that judges a product or activity that your not even willing to ask about before judging.
3. “What is the best toy in the store?” is an incredibly subjective question. You know your body. The employees are there to explain the products. They are not psychic and have no idea what you like. Good openers: “I would like a good external toy with a larger surface area.” Or even, “I would like a beginner’s vibrator for external use. I’m not sure about internal yet.” Or “I need a good anal sex lubricant. Can you recommend me one?” The people who work at sex shops are trained to answer any question you have and probably will answer your “What’s the best toy in the store” question with “What do you like?” Do your research. Ask questions. But don’t expect that one toy is the end all of your sexual satisfaction.
4. Do not. I repeat, do not put demo products on your genitalia. Sometimes stores will put products on display so that you can feel the vibration intensities, the material, and battery pack. But that does not mean that you are now allowed to put the vibration over your clothes, and especially under your clothing, to feel how it works. The excuse, “Well how will I know if I don’t try it?” will warrant you an eye roll. If you are really curious to figure out that full range of a vibrating product, touch the tip of your nose with the vibration to feel its full intensity. Because there is such thin skin protecting the cartilage in that area, it will be easier for you to tell.
5. Do not turn on products and leave them on. Either figure out how to turn them off or bring them to the people that are working.
6. Refrain from all ageist, sexist, racist, sizest, homophobic, rude, horrible, judgmental, infantile and mean comments about other customers, products, or employees. It’s the easiest way to get kicked out of the store. Here is a list of all the comments I have heard:
“It’s so small. It’s Asian!”
“We need to take pictures with the biggest, blackest, penis in here!”
“Straight men don’t get fuck up the ass. That’s gay.”
“Only desperate people buy vibrators”
“Once you get married you can’t use a vibrator. That’s your husband’s job”
“Who would fuck a fat chick in porn”
“Only crazy people like BDSM.”
“I want to numb my girlfriend’s ass so I can fuck her anally.”
“Where are your baby butt plugs?”
“EW, old people should not be having sex.”
“How do I force someone to have sex with me?”
“You must have a huge pussy to fit that inside of you.”
7. Don’t elicit sexual favors from employees. I get flirting. I get compliments. But if your opening line is “can you put a cockring on me?” maybe you should rethink what you are doing. Just because there are employees that work at an adult shop, does not mean they are having sex in the basement with helpless customers. Oh and no I can not show you how it works on me.
There you go. Those are some rules for your next adult shop visit. And I don’t think I’m asking for a lot. Be aware of your surroundings, do your research, and don’t be a jerk. And keep in mind where your location. It’s called an adult store for a reason.