1. Masturbate. Your partner is not getting you off unless you know how to first.
2. Invest in some good lube. I don’t care if you still operate under the bad information that you don’t need lube because a) you’re still in your 20s (which is when you should be using it the most) b) you don’t want your partner to not think you’re aroused. c) you’re embarrassed to buy lube. Lube can turn alright sex to mind losing sex. Oh…and spit is not lube. If anyone ever tells you that, you can direct them to me.
3. Grab everything you need and put it in one area. Don’t have a designated sex drawer? Make one. That way when you’re in the moment, you don’t have to worry about running to the living room to grab the batteries from the remote.
4. Be conscious about your nails. I would never tell anyone to trim their nails. It’s your body, and possibly your nails are rooted in your identity. Just make sure you wear some gloves to avoid scratching your partner. Unless of course you have negotiated this prior, then scratch away!
5. Negotiate your limitations. If you have bad knees, tell your partner. Meet your partner’s needs, and you’ll actually find yourself being more creative with positions.
6. Don’t rely on one toy or a person to do everything. Use multiple toys! If someone comments about being desensitized to ‘normal sex,’ my comment forever and always will be ‘what is normal sex?’ If you are excluding all sex as abnormal except for straight-up penis in vagina (no lube, no clitoral stimulation) as normal sex, you’re really missing out.
7. Every single person has insecurities. But chances are your partner isn’t looking at your cellulite or the mole on your inner thigh. So for the next 5, 10, 30 minutes you are fucking, try to keep all other thoughts out of your head. They will still be there when you’re done, but right now is not the time to rehash why you don’t wear sleeveless shirts.
8. Don’t brush your teeth. The bristles cause little tears along your gumline—making it easier to come in contact with bacteria/transmit bacteria.
9. Sex is 90% mental and 10% physical. If you’re mind is not in it, your body won’t be.
10. Talk about birth control/STI prevention/bacteria prevention with your partner. It’s not a big deal. It’s 2013. We should start making this an active conversation in the bedroom.