Last night—on the way to pick up my girlfriend from a work event—I found myself deeply attracted to Joseph Gordon-Levitt on a glossy page of New York Magazine. It’s the latest Hilary Clinton issue; and while I was totally enthralled with the major speculation over her possible, not-possible, quandary of running for President in 2016, I was more concerned with starring at the dark-haired, buff actor.
And on to my point…my sexual orientation does not guide what I find attractive and/or hot about a person. I date people who are female, but that doesn’t mean I can’t look at Nick Jonas and slowly undress him in my mind. Oh yeah…I said Nick Jonas. Have you seen him lately?
No..this does not make me confused or ‘pining for dick’ as someone so eloquently told me. It doesn’t make me a bad lesbian or that I’m going to pull a Chasing Amy on my community because I found a male attractive.
We live in this ‘here’s your box, stay in your box’ kind of world. Once a deviation occurs we don’t know how to handle it or make sense of the information. How many times have you heard something like, “She’s dating that guy? I thought she was into girls?” I just want everyone to wear a sign that says “Hey, I’m _____. And I have multiple interests.
I feel bad for straight men. I will get a little grief from finding a guy attractive. And a straight woman can makeout with another girl and still be considered straight. But straight men…once you say or do something mildly outside of the “I love pounding pussy all day long” mentality, you’re called gay. Of course, there is nothing wrong with being gay (because if there is then lock me up!), but it’s the same thing as someone coming up to me as saying “Oh you have blonde hair…you must be stupid because every representation of blondes in pop culture are stupid.” And since we have zero representation of fluid sexuality in pop culture (please do not even bring up Tila Tequilla to me), the idea that a man can be straight and love women, but find another man attractive automatically makes him gay. There is no grey…just black and white in this scenario.
I’m going to go a step further: It is actually totally fine for you to sleep with someone you are attracted to regardless of sexual orientation. Yeah…I could go sleep with a male right now and still call myself a lesbian. Let me turn your attention to an actual pop culture reference.
In The Kids Are All Right, Julianne Moore’s character sleeps with Mark Ruffalo’s character—even though she is a self-identified lesbian. It was really powerful to watch that last scene where Ruffalo’s character wants to be with Moore’s character, and she yells at him over the phone that she’s gay and not interested in a relationship…it was just sex.
Because that’s what it is…sex. One body making another body feel good. And even the beginning of the film where Annett Benning’s character and Moore’s character are watching gay, male porn. Sexuality is fluid, and sexual attraction has zero bounds. Me, total lesbian, finding a male attractive is just that. No other hidden meanings. It doesn’t make me straight. Just attracted.
It really is okay, everyone. Please, go allow your attractions to happen and be happy with them. And let’s try really hard not to judge other’s attractions or comment on the juxtaposition of the attraction and the orientation. This goes for males, females, men, women, queers, trans, gender-queers, and every single person you come in contact with or see on a billboard.
Laura Delarato is a web producer, writer, social media consultant, and video creator in NYC. She has spent a lot of the past 10-years of her life in internships, college, part-time jobs, graduate school, and in front of a computer typing away her next brilliant idea. Her work has appeared in Playgirl Magazine, Kong Magazine, London Glossy Magazine…and at one time CosmoGirl! Magazine. Laura spends a lot of her time typing code for the web department of Details Magazine, performing improv at The Magnet Theater, and taking any burlesque class she can find. She was nominated for Best Series at The New School’s media department awards for her show: Fat Girl, A Web Series, which was also featured on the site LESGO-NYC as a new show to watch out for. When she is not fixing the internet, Laura likes to be a total badass by participating in body-positive/fat-acceptance activism, crafting pasties, discussing the beauty of pornography, and wearing all the short skirts. @lauradelarato