It seems like every time you hear good news about rape culture—consent activism has been gaining ground on college campuses!—the universe comes along with alternate examples. Today, the universe has taken the form of a blog called Total Frat Move, where blogger Roger Dorn shares a depressing, creeptastic email from “an active member of Phi Kappa Tau” at Georgia Tech.
The email—sent to TFM by tipsters—was allegedly sent to the entire ΦKT fraternity chapter by its social chair. The subject: “Luring Your Rapebait.” I think you can see where we are headed here.
“Alright chods, some of you could use some help on how to mack and succeed at parties. Mostly pledges do, but some bros could use a review. For anytime throughout the party… If you are standing by yourself at any point, YOU ARE OUTTA HERE!!! If you are talking to a brother of your pledge brothers when there are girls just standing around, YOU ARE OUTTA HERE!!!
Ok, if it is before midnight… A group of girls is standing around, grab a bro or pledge bro and go talk to them. First, introduce yourself and get their name, ask if they are having a good time, and then ask if they want anything to drink. If they say yes, walk them to the bar and tell them what we have to drink. If they say no and they look like they are in a sorority, ask them if they are in a sorority (DUH). If not, choose one of the following: where are you living, where are you from, have you been here before, how are classes going, or where all have you been tonight. Then proceed to have a conversation. IF THEY ARE HAMMERED AT ANY POINT BEFORE MIDNIGHT, JUST SKIP THE CHIT CHAT AND GO DANCE.
Okay, so far, so good. A little sad that these frat guys need to be spoonfed such fascinating lines of conversation as “where do you live?” and “are you in a sorority?” but whatevs. And “skip the chit chat and go dance” is advice we should all take to heart more often. In fact, as long as we stick to dancing, ΦKT’s social chair (who clearly has some sweet moves from Dancing with the Stars he’s been meaning to show off) continues to offer decent advice.
Midnight or after, if you have been talking for awhile and they’ve had a couple drinks, ask if they want to dance. If you see an untalked to group or a solo girl, go up to her and ask if she wants anything to drink. If she says yes, get her a drink and then ask if she wants to dance. If she says no, ask her to dance. DANCING IS FUN!!!!! Always try to dance. If she does not want to dance and is with friends, say “aw thats no fun” (or something like that) and then ask one of her friends.
Dancing is fun! And moving on on quickly when a girl says she doesn’t want to dance with you? Stellar advice, too! I’m beginning to like this party chair, he—oh, wait.
Here is how to dance: Grab them on the hips with your 2 hands and then let them grind against your dick.
Well that does not sound like fun. That does not even sound like dancing. At least not party-dancing. Maybe the word he’s been looking for this whole time was “lap dance?”
After that slowly alternate between just putting your hand across their stomach, but make sure don’t to go to high (keep it under the boob) or too low (dont try to finger her… yet).
No fingering: Good advice for lap dances or party dances. And now that nobody’s fingering anybody, why don’t you go for a kiss on the cheek?
If she starts putting her hair over her ear, THAT MEANS SHE WANTS A KISS. Therefore, try to give her a kiss on the cheek. They usually like that and nothing really should ebcome (sic) of it. In the case, go for the neck kiss. If for some reason they aren’t down for a cheek kiss, just dance through it or say you are going to get another drink and see if they want one. And then repeat from the beginning.
Hair over the ear does not mean kiss me. But no does mean no, so again: good advice. If she doesn’t want that cheek kiss, get over it. Move on. This is gearing up to be the least rapey frat email I’ve ever read! The next paragraph even explicitly says: “NO RAPING.” … the impact of which is somewhat lessened by dude’s sign-off: In luring rapebait. But maybe we’re back to the dancing/lap dance problem? Mayyybe he is just confused by the meaning of the word “rapebait,” too?
In all seriousness, I think the dichotomy between the relatively harmless underlying advice here and some of the ways the author writes about it just highlights how confused the messages young men receive are. Rape is seen as both wrong and a punchline. Women are perceived as needing “luring” into hook-ups, not as thinking, autonomous beings who may in fact want your cock in them for their own reasons.
May want your cock so long as you never refer to fucking as “excavating,” that is. Behold our confused author’s final summary paragraph:
The 7 E’s of HOOKING UP! 1. Encounter (spot a girl or group of girls) 2. Engage (go up and talk to them) 3. Escalate (ask them to dance, or ask them to go up to your room or find a couch, depending on what kind of party) 4. Erection (GET HARD) 5. Excavate (should be self-explanatory) 6. Ejaculate (should also be self explanatory) 7. Expunge (send them out of your room and on their way out when you are finished. IF ANYTHING EVER FAILS, GO GET MORE ALCOHOL. I want to see everyone succeed at the next couple parties.
No, sir, excavate is not self-explanatory. Unless your frat is populated by archaeologists or beavers. Here, let me help you:
ex·ca·vate – verb
1. make (a hole or channel) by digging
2. remove earth carefully and systematically from (an area) in order to find buried remains.
Now I obviously see where we were going here, dude, but let me just make one thing clear for any confused ΦKT pledges: That hole was already there. You may be entering it. You may even be burrowing in it, if we insist on literary flourish. But you are most certainly not making or digging it yourself, and I hope you are not searching for buried remains. Also, pro-tip: If you have to remove earth first—run. Get another drink and see if they want one. And then repeat from the beginning.
One last thing: have you considered that your social chair may have dysphasia?
Photo via phikappatau.org