By Anonymous for Luna Luna Confessions
I’m having an affair. Well, not quite. I’m the other woman.
Wait, that doesn’t make sense either. I’m the other person
because my lover actually has a boyfriend. I equate our chance of having an actual relationship to fitting into a dress that’s two sizes too small, in my case. I can try my very very hardest to make it a perfect fit.But it won’t fit.
We will never be together and I’m okay with that. I doubt that we would ever stop this affair. He also will never leave his boyfriend. After all, this gentleman (and I use the term firmly) banged me when I had pink eye, strep throat, and a cold sore.The passion with which we greet each other is comparable to a magnet greeting a refrigerator door. I suppose we could profess our love to one another, but what’s the point? It’s kind of like saying “Bill Gates is rich.” Redundant.But the point of this confession is not. The point here is to illustrate why and how I feel empowered by what I’ve learned from this situation.
When James Bond* and I get together, we can have sex for up to six hours. No joke. This involves outfit changes on my behalf, lots of foreplay, and mirrors. Each session ends with post-coital bliss; I just love running my fingers through his soft, graying, brown hair– hair that hangs on like O. Henry’s last leaf. I find that beautiful because it makes me cherish the fading youth that he shares with me. When we are together my “happy” levels reach maximum highs.
On one level this situation makes me feel like a bad person because I feel like I’m fucking up his relationship with his partner. Whatever their relationship is, whether or not it has turned into a platonic one over the years–as he says–or if they are lovers, I am a secret.Our affair is challenging their trust.
I’m okay with this because I’ve learned that you have to be a little selfish sometimes. This affair helped me learn how to (a) not be jealous, (b) trust that my lover will want to have sex with me over and over again without me having to talk to him everyday, (c) separate sex from emotion in a healthy way.Here’s how:
How to not be jealous:
In my previous relationships I have dated some popular musicians. As a matter of fact, I used to only date rock stars. They would go off on tour and post photos with beautiful fans peppered with flirtatious captions. I would beam with jealously at times because my hair was not as long as that girl’s hair or I wasn’t as skinny or didn’t have those clothes.
I am not a part of Mr. Bond’s life outside the bedroom. He’s actually quite present in the public eye so there are times when I open up a magazine and see his picture. Not only does he have a boyfriend, he may also visit various mistresses throughout the week.
Although he says that he is only having sex with me, I don’t expect him to only have sex with me throughout out affair. He has access to some of the most beautiful women in the world because of his job and I am okay with it if he has sex with them.
Here’s the reason why: I learned that a relationship between any two people is unlike a relationship with any other two people. It is special in its own way and what one person can offer another is unique to the dynamic. To be more frank: no one will give him a blow job like I can and no one will fuck me like he can.
How I learned that my lover will want to have sex with me even if I don’t talk to him everyday:
This one was really easy.I just don’t have the time to talk to him everyday and he doesn’t have the time to talk to me everyday. So, we don’t. Yet, he rarely cancels our weekly romp. It can happen. We can have an unspoken connection that does not break if we don’t communicate for a day or two.
How I separate sex from emotion, in a healthy way:
I learned that sex is not possible without any
emotion. Well, maybe it is, but not good sex. There’s also an ample variety of emotions that can be paired with sex. I learned that until you are ready to be fully and emotionally involved with your sexual partner you can still have a connection during sex.
What I feel with Mr. Bond is simple; it is the urge to be with him and knowing it is mutual. So therefore, I am 100% present when we are together but 0% needy and 0% present when we are apart.I understand we both have busy and separate lives. I also cannot expect anything from him because he never promised me anything but sex and visa versa.
The Bottom line
Remember how I equate this affair with trying to fit into a dress that’s too small? Sometimes it’s okay to try keep it half zipped if you’re behind closed doors.
*names have been changed for privacy reasons, absurdity, irony, and spank-bank material for the author.