As we fumble through the prickly journey of life, it’s easy to become jaded-black hollow shells of what used to be glittery vessels of girlish optimism. We’ve all had our hearts smashed by sledgehammers and experienced seemingly iron clad friendships fade into obscurity. A broken heart and loss of innocence can lead to crippling depression but can also result in empowering shifts in consciousness.
Early this year I found myself on the tail end of a broken engagement, living out of my purse (ala crazy bag lady) and 25 neurotic pounds lighter. With the death of that engagement came the death of a dream, the Disney princess dream of marrying a rich prince, getting blonde highlights, and becoming a Burberry wearing Stepford wife. Looking back I realize this dream was in fact a nightmare, but alas even the wisest among us drink the Kool-Aid sometimes.
In the afterglow of that life disaster I embarked on a journey of self realization. I rediscovered the intuitive comforts of Zen Buddhism and slowly began regaining my youthful optimism. After my LIFE IS HELL AND EVERYONE IS OUT TO DESTROY ME phase had run its course, I realized that what I get out of this life will be directly proportional to what I put in it. And so I decided to blaze into the world a renewed Phoenix: stronger, wiser and compassionate towards myself. When I changed my attitude, life gifted me with an unexpected gem…
Having taken a post breakup/mental breakdown vow of celibacy, sex and romance was the last thing on my mind. Then one day, in the most scripted and cinematic of circumstances, I met a wonderful man who has since become a trusted confidant and lover. At first I was cautious, even weary. It’s easy to dive into a fling when you’ve never been burned. But after a few weeks of a beautiful courtship, I dropped my guard and surrendered to my vulnerability. After all, what fun is sex without the emotional risk?
Once I put down my shield and gave of myself, I gained a vast world of affection, intimacy and safety. Since then it’s been nothing short of wondrous amour. Only by allowing myself to be exposed and hopeful did I experiencing grace. I don’t know whether this relationship will last 10 days or 10,000 years. But regardless I am newly fortified with the knowledge that whatever comes my way, I’ll greet life with lipstick on and arms wide open.
Nathalia Perozo is a Chilean born poet and LGBT activist. She is currently featured as Poet of the Month for The Inquisitive Eater and has been featured in ILK. Nathalia lives in New York City with her street cat Althea.