Sex & Love

Luna Luna Love & Lust: Fuck Buddy 101, Getting a Beau to Back Off, and Pregnancy and Periods!

Oh my, what ever shall I do?

Oh my, what ever shall I do?

Fuck Buddy Etiquette

After 19 yrs, I am thoroughly happy and enjoying the best life offers in casual dating. Problem: Im new to it. I lead an abnormally successful life that I’ve always worked hard to keep and am told I’m very attractive.

I have found several different types of men ranging in many differences and have enjoyed there company. I got curious because of my enjoyment how to make certain I do not make a “classic” mistake on accident.

It is what it is in my world and I have no intimate feelings for ANY of them; however I certainly do NOT want to mess up my consciences. Started browsing Internet for to do’s of how to keep them coming ie. better orgasms, give better bj’s, what I can eat that may make me taste better etc. I couldn’t find a d**n piece of useful knowledge until I came across your mag.

Anything and I mean 3 hours of searching only for every result to end with ” how to be a successful man with a FWB or a FB… really?!? I’m new to this and am confident in knowing when I say I want a F**k buddie, that’s what I mean. I just want in return to be my best! please help if able? 

—Echo

Hey there, Echo! I’ve got to be honest here: I’m not 100% certain what it is that you’re asking. I want to be helpful, though, so I’ll try to address everything I can from your letter. If there’s something I skip or if you want to follow up after you read what I’m offering here, feel free!

You say you don’t want to make any “classic mistakes” with your fuck buddies and that you have NO feelings for any of them. But you also say that you want to keep them coming back. This could definitely be taken the wrong way by someone who’s looking for a relationship, so good on you for thinking ahead and wanting to take precautions against leading somebody on about the emotional depth of the relationship. I personally think the best policy here, as with everything else, is open communication.

Of course you don’t want to beat these guys over the head with the fact that you just want sex—that might be a little rude. But being honest in conversation about the fact that you are seeing other people, that you’re glad that you understand each other, that casual relationships work best for you, and so on, can help you continue to make your feelings clear while inviting them to chime in.

That way, if their feelings are changing, hopefully your comments can open up the conversation before things go too far. It’s important to be conscious of your partners’ feelings for you, even of they aren’t the ones you want to hear about, because if they change without you being aware of it, you could end up in a situation you don’t want to be in.

I think that keeping yourself in tip-top sex shape is a good move, too. Being a pro in the sack is the mark of a conscientious fuck buddy. My mantra when it comes to being impressive in bed is exactly the same as my mantra on all things sex: communication. It’s very likely that every guy you have sex with will prefer something different in bed.

I don’t think there’s any one way to give “the best” blowjob—or anything else—because everybody has different preferences. One guy might like a lighter touch and a deeper pull while another might like rougher handling and more tongue play. It’s very personal. In the end, the way to be the best lover is to listen and react to what each individual likes.

Encourage them all to communicate before, during, and after your trysts. Reward verbal cues. Be adventurous. Create a safe space in which they know that their pleasure is the top priority. Then keep an open mind and be willing to try anything.

You’ll gain vast knowledge and a bag of tricks to take with you if you focus on meeting each partner’s needs and fulfilling their fantasies while remembering that they are individuals and treating them as such.

As far as tasting better: fruit. It’s true. Fruit makes men and women both taste sweeter. Especially pineapple. And it’s generally agreed that coffee, alcohol, red meat, and cigarettes contribute to a less delectable bouquet down there. So while a wild night might be a fun lead-up to sexy playtime, it might not leave you the freshest you’ve ever been.

I hope that helped! Let me know if you need anything more!

Back Off, New Beau!

I broke up with my boyfriend and started sleeping with this other guy who was pursuing me even before we broke up like… an hour after I broke up with my ex. (What can I say? I was in a LDR and craved sex for over 2 months…)

He’s really nice and is a great catch but I feel like I was in a really controlled relationship and I honestly just want to breath and maybe just have sex and be friends with him for now and maybe explore other options.

He started liking me even before I was single and he’s now planning trips together and wants to move onto being in a relationship already.

Is there any nice way to tell him I’m not ready yet?

—Jess

Howdy, Jess! I totally feel you here. I’ve been in similar situations in the past and they’re soooo awkward. And difficult. Clearly you like this guy, but you’re just not ready for what he wants, which sounds like another LTR.

He seems to have assumed you wanted the same thing he does, and he’s super excited about it. Buuuut the truth is that you don’t want that, and now you feel bad that he wants something out of you that you don’t even have to offer. It’s weird how, in situations like this, we often feel bad about our desires and needs.

But honestly, you really shouldn’t. Especially not in this situation. This is your life and you need to do you right now, find yourself again before you dive into somebody else, and all that. And you shouldn’t feel bad about that; this is important for your happiness and for his.

If you let yourself be pressured into staying with this guy too long, you’ll end up frustrated and resentful and it won’t work anyway. If he really wants you to be happy, hell will respect your wishes. But of course you have to make those wishes known.

Luckily, you have totally answered your own question. Seriously. Read the letter you wrote me out loud to yourself. Maybe take out the first paragraph and do some tweaking on the wording, but if you sit your hopeful beau down and tell him exactly what you told me, he’d have to be kind of a jerk not to understand and give you some space.

Of course his feelings might be a little hurt, and maybe he is kind of a jerk, but there just isn’t a way to NOT hurt him with this. He let himself imagine what he wanted to, and that’s not really your fault. The best you can do is be totally honest with him. He’d end up a lot more disappointed and hurt later on if you aren’t.

A word of my own advice: don’t tell him you need some time. Tell him you need some space. “Time” could give the impression that, after you’ve sown your wild oats, you’ll be back with him for the LTR he wants.

Which, of course, you might be. But you don’t know yet, and you don’t want to get his hopes up any higher than they already are. If you tell him you’re not ready for a relationship and you need space from him, that will get the message that you’re not into an LTR and you have no plans for the future yet.

Remember, it’s really best for you both in the long run for you to be honest right now. It might hurt a little bit, but ripping off the band-aid always does.

Periods and Prophylactics and Pregnancy, Oh My!

I had protected sex on the 16th of November ( that is the day I think it was) my bf wore a condom and didn’t cum ether. It didn’t last every long and that is the second time of having sex.

I used a durex condom. We checked there where no holes or splits in the condom- the condom was not broken. I’m not on the pill.

Is there any chance of pregancy from this?

I had my period on the 8th of November.  It was 5-6 days early from my last period (11th October) I had sex for the first time on the 28th of October and I was wondering why my period came early? It never useally does.

Also when would my next period be if my last was on the 8th of Novmber- that came after 29 days on my other period (11th oct) it is useally every 35 days.

35 days from my last period would be the 13th-14th of December.

Last week also I made my bf ejacualte for the first time. Oral. Could I get pregant from this? He gave me no oral. Until about 6 hrs later. We went swimming after he ejacualted.

Could I get pregant from sperm on a towl also? When left for around 30- 1hr.

Thank you.

Is there any chance of pregancy  through any of these?

—Holly

Hi there, Holly!

Basically, my big answer is that yes, there IS a chance that you could possibly maybe be pregnant from the sex you had on the 16th of November, but the chance sounds very small from where I’m sitting.

It’s technically possible for a woman to become pregnant from sex with a man even if he does not ejaculate, because there is often a small amount of sperm in the pre-ejaculate fluid that often leaks out (you may have seen this with your boyfriend: it’s typically clear and just a little bit comes out a few minutes before he ejaculates). But it is very rare that this type of pregnancy happens.

And, since you were using a condom that did not break (good job! go you for being careful!), the chances that you got pregnant from this are very slim.

It is not possible for you to get pregnant from giving oral sex, or from using a towel that has some ejaculate on it (unless you were really getting intimate with that towel!), so don’t worry about either of those.

What I think may be happening with your period is a simple case of Weird Female Body Stuff. When I first started having sex, I also had an irregular period for the first time in years. I was used to being very regular on a 28-30 day cycle, but suddenly I was almost a week late, and I freaked out. I got my period, though, and not a baby, and everything was fine. But that week was torture. What probably happened, and what I suspect is happening to you, is that my body noticed the new things going on (e.g., a penis inside me for the first few times), and got a little freaked out.

The menstrual cycle is a tricky thing, even for those of us who are usually very regular. There will be times in your life when, if you’re not on oral birth control, it will just wonk out on you. This is usually due to changes in your body (nutrition, weight, etc.) and your stress level. Stress has a ton to do with your period.

For instance, I think when I started having sex I actually scared my period into hiding: the stress made me not menstruate. Your body might be doing the opposite, which would be menstruating more frequently, since you are stressed about sex.

Or this may just be a change that your body is going through: from now on you may start menstruating every 28 or 29 days instead of every 35. Like I said, it can get wonky. Hell, women who spend a lot of time together almost always end up menstruating at the same time after a few months—their cycles somehow adjust and they start bleeding at the same time. I have no idea how that happens, and neither does anyone else.

The point is: by all means, keep track of this because it’s very important to be in touch with your body, especially when you’re sexually active. But don’t expect your body to follow the timetable you want it to. And don’t stress yourself out too much about all of this.

My advice would be to go get a pregnancy test to be 100% sure (you can get them over the counter at most drug stores), so you can relax about your recent sexcapades.

And then get yourself put on a form of birth control that works for you, and keep using condoms! The first few times, sex can cause way more stress than pleasure, but the more certain you are about your body and your health, the more fun it will be.

—Lynsey G.

—-

Lynsey G is a writer, reviewer, interviewer, columnist and blogger writing for and about sex, feminism, and porn since 2007. Formerly a smut scribe for Fox, Juggs, and Tight magazines, she’s also written for xoJane, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Corset Magazine, TOSKA, MadisonBound.com, and WHACK! Magazine. She’s still on a high after winning a 2013 Feminist Porn Award for her short film, “Consent: Society,” and is now at work blogging at her own website and working on a few books of various types.

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One thought on “Luna Luna Love & Lust: Fuck Buddy 101, Getting a Beau to Back Off, and Pregnancy and Periods!

  1. Pingback: [Confession] It’s Not You, It’s Me… Well, It’s Both. |

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